Hair To A Fortune

While walking, a conversation is in progress between Aquarius and DARCY HINES.

EXT. SIDEWALK ON CITY STREET - NIGHT

While walking, a conversation is in progress between Aquarius and DARCY HINES. Darcy, a former college sorority sister, is a mixed personality of impulsiveness, charm, and animated facial expressions.

Aquarius still has on her lab coat with her name prominently monogrammed.

AQUARIUS BALLENTINI : Darcy, I don’t like this idea, seeing some new-age quacks.

DARCY HINES: They helped my friend, Carl, get rid of warts. They helped one of my lawyers get rid of acne. And they helped my kid brother quit playing with himself.

AQUARIUS BALLENTINI: Nobody’s gonna be able to talk hair off a body.

DARCY HINES: If it can be done, these people are the ones.

INT. NEW AGE METAPHYSICAL SHOPPE - NIGHT

Aquarius and Darcy enter the shop. It is decorated in mystic arts style: incense burning, low lighting, EASTERN MUSIC playing from some faulty CD system that makes periodic glitches.

They browse through the store, looking briefly at herbs, candles, and crystals.

Aquarius spots a strange-looking mirror on a wall. It has a small sign below it. Aquarius reads it to herself.

AQUARIUS BALLENTINI (V.O.): This ancient mirror was created by a wizard. It has the power to grant wishes. Simply place your photo I.D. against it and wish.

After a moment, Darcy joins her and reads the inscription. She then looks at Aquarius.

DARCY HINES: Well, it can’t hurt.

Aquarius opens her pocketbook and takes out her money holder. She starts to place her driver’s license against the surface when a weird voice interrupts her.

SHOPPE LADY: You were led here by destiny.

Startled, Aquarius hurriedly puts away her license into her billfold. In doing so, she accidently pulls out Tristan’s business card. It drops to the floor without notice.

The SHOPPE LADY, a strange-looking person resembling a wild mousy haired Paula Deen, approaches them. She leads a Rastafarian-looking SHOPPE BLIND MAN with a braided beard.

SHOPPE LADY (CONT’D): Let me recommend some cedar wood to keep in your pocketbook to help draw you more money.

Aquarius and Darcy look at one another. Their expressions show fear.

SHOPPE LADY (CONT’D): Some cloves will stop negativity and control gossip. And hibiscus flowers will bring on lust and love.

DARCY HINES: We’re here for you to help my friend.

The Shoppe Blind Man speaks up, interrupting her with his Jamaican accent. Wearing thick dark glasses, his frame is thin and lanky.

SHOPPE BLIND MAN: Don’t tell me. I can sense it. You were born under the sign of Aquarius.

Looking shocked, Aquarius speaks.

AQUARIUS BALLENTINI: Yes, how did you know?

SHOPPE BLIND MAN: Aquarius are honest but can lie if threatened. You know how to separate your caring emotions but can bring wrath if backstabbed. And you respond to opposition without difficulty but can put someone in their place with a strong cussing.

Aquarius and Darcy look on with their mouths open.

DARCY HINES: We’re here for something really important.

SHOPPE LADY: It is best not to interrupt the Oracle. His powers connect with the thought waves of time.

Pulling away from the Shoppe Lady, he moves over to scan Aquarius’s arm. He moves his fingers ever so slightly over her skin without touching.

Aquarius reacts with shock.

SHOPPE BLIND MAN: You have lots of hair on your head and your body.

Aquarius looks further shocked.

AQUARIUS BALLENTINI: How do you know?

SHOPPE LADY: The Oracle has the gift of the gods. Give him your undivided attention. By the way, his fee for additional psychic readings is half-price today because it’s my birthday.

SHOPPE BLIND MAN: Hair is the life. It is what every known prophet in his day has shown from Moses, to Jesus, to Bob Marley.

DARCY HINES: We’re here to get rid of Aquarius’s hairy condition.

The Shoppe Blind Man and the Shoppe Lady draw back as if a crucifix was thrust at a vampire.

SHOPPE LADY: Get rid of your body hair! That’s sacrilege!

SHOPPE BLIND MAN: The hair must stay or the universe becomes unbalanced.  To even think of removing it would open the bearer to unspeakable dangers.

AQUARIUS BALLENTINI: It’s just hair.

SHOPPE BLIND MAN: It is your outer clothing. It will always protect you against evil spirits.

AQUARIUS BALLENTINI: I didn’t want this hair. I can see we’re wasting our time here.

Aquarius and Darcy turn to leave, showing their frustration.

The Shoppe Blind Man appears to know that Tristan’s business card dropped on the floor facing up.

SHOPPE BLIND MAN: Before you leave I know you have met someone who appreciates your hair. He will be your soul mate.

Aquarius stops in her tracks and looks back at the two characters. Darcy also turns to address them.

AQUARIUS BALLENTINI: When will he come?

SHOPPE BLIND MAN: He will come when the horn blows a change in the wind.

Suddenly, a LOUD siren goes off.

Two policeman run into the shop.

POLICEMAN ONE: All right! This is a raid. Everyone put your hands up.

Other policemen enter.

The Blind Man and the Shoppe Lady hightail it out the back of the room like two sprinters making for the finish line.

Turning to face the policemen, Aquarius and Darcy stand there with their hands up.

POLICEMAN TWO: What are you two doing here?

Darcy makes an excuse.

DARCY HINES: Being curious and stupid.

AQUARIUS BALLENTINI: Why, we were just talking to these --

She looks around and sees the Shoppe Blind Man and Shoppe Lady gone.

AQUARIUS BALLENTINI (CONT’D): Well, they were here.

POLICEMAN ONE: Ladies, this place is under surveillance as a meth lab. Get out and let us do our jobs.

Aquarius and Darcy hurriedly leave the store, accidently knocking over cheap merchandise. One is a photo of a nudist couple seen only from the backside.