Resort Inconvenience

We live in a populated world. One filled with a diversity of cultures, opinions, and especially attitudes.

We live in a populated world. One filled with a diversity of cultures, opinions, and especially attitudes. However, there is one thing that the majority of Americans do that affect all of us - "herd mentality."

Picture Myrtle Beach, SC in mid-September on a weekend mixed with college reunions, family flings for that last chance at summer, and a Shriners' parade. People are everywhere. You can't move without nudging into someone's butt or a car backing out of a cramped parking space coming within inches of my bumper.

I had only been parked in a check-in space at the Seacrest Resort for less than ten minutes. After registration, my eyes caught sight from the clear office windows of a security guard standing at the back of my car writing a ticket. I dashed outside to inquire as to the purpose of the ticket. I told him that I had only been parked there five minutes and he could plainly see that I had clothing stacked in my back seat. He looked at me, gave me a smirk look, and walked away to cause havoc on other would-be victims. Thankfully, the registration desk told me later that they would tear up the ticket.

Parking decks are definitely a hazard. If you don't believe me, try one out that was built quickly in a limited frontage lot with seven levels. Your parking slots are so tight a double D minivan would never be able to fit into a compact bra-like space. Next, watch out for autos speeding through the driveways. One could be in your side door backing out if you're not fast enough.

Ocean Boulevard traffic is a behavioral problem hard to fathom. Although the speed limit is twenty miles per hour, excited vacationers like to slow down to a turtle's crawl just to take in the side street action like cute babes or hunk men. What bothers me the most are people who try to get out of parking garages on side streets. The onlooker traffic doesn't seem to want to cast an eye their way like they had on blinders.

I eventually made it to my room only to find, because of safety and security purposes, the room could not be braced open without stuffing a book or some clothing into the door joint. If someone was observing me from outside, they would have witnessed an almost comedic routine. I had to brace the door open with my body and move various articles (suitcase, beach canopy, and my lounge chair) into the rented cubicle piece by piece.

Finally, I made it out onto the beach after lugging my pop-up canopy, chair, and backpack in one trip. Yes, my back was aching and my hands were pinched almost bringing blood. My first thought after looking at the hundreds of people baking in the sun or bathing in the ocean was why are so many children out here when school districts across America have already started classes. Then, I thought, what the heck, it really doesn't matter. Maybe they're all home- schoolers playing hooky due to some head-strong parents.

Later, after downing plenty of fluids (bottled water, not beer), I felt the need for a restroom visit. I didn't want to take the time to go all the way back to my room so I looked for the closest resort toilet for men or unisex. To my surprise as if others around me were thinking the same thoughts, the men's restroom was swarming with guys waiting in line for one of two urinals or a one-seater. If sunbathers at the outside pool were watching me or some of the other men waiting to relieve themselves, I'm sure the thought "I pity any of those men with full bladders" crossed their minds. When I finally reached one of the urinals, I was in such pain I wouldn't have heard a fire alarm. Then, relief was on the way after holding back a mother lode of liquid waste. My bladder should have been heard shouting for joy. It also helped that I had had several kidney stones removed over the years providing me with a wider urethra.

Now, here's the worst of circumstances: undisciplined children. I truly love being around children; however, if irresponsible parents let their kids do what they want without consequences, prepare for a war of words. I had to call down several children who were playing recklessly around the indoor pool area on my second day. When a preppy woman who appeared to have an air of "I'm better than you" made her way to me demanding to know why I was orally disciplining her children, I said I was doing the job that she should have done. She then engaged her beer-drinking husband to get involved that almost started World War Three. Fortunately, a security guard, this time a welcomed appearance, showed up that had apparently been watching the unsupervised children. He sided with me further irritating the irate couple. They immediately herded up their children and left the area threatening to inform the management. I said," Go ahead. I had my pocket recorder on." Of course, I was lying........